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“I thought, ‘Why couldn’t I just take what I had developed, and train someone else to sound like me, and outsource my online dating to him?

’” After finding someone on Craigslist who “did a really great job,” Valdez started thinking about how many people were in the same position: time-poor professionals who might benefit from some of the lessons he’d learnt.

“Let’s try a different approach.” My meaningful questions would disappear from our shared Google Doc, replaced by simpler, condescending small talk.

My Closer manuals were written by the company’s founder, Scott Valdez, a self-taught dating expert with a background in sales.

“When writing sales copy…the goal is to reduce her ‘cognitive load’ so she’s more likely to reach the end and still have energy to write out a reply.”What does a “low cognitive load” pick-up line look like?

My personal favorite: These pick-up lines are mostly sent by a third type of employee, “Matchmakers,” who send out opening messages en masse across every dating platform imaginable: Tinder, Bumble, match.com, POF, Luxy, and Seeking Arrangement, to name just a few.

In November 2017, I ran across an ad seeking “people with good Tinder skills” for a job as a “Virtual Dating Assistant.” At first I thought it was a joke, but I completed their online form out of pure fascination. Apparently, professional writers make for good online-dating assistants; knowing how to seduce strangers with the written word is the company’s mandate, after all.Despite hiring writers to do this work, virtually none of what the company does requires creativity of any kind.Profile Writers follow strict guidelines, often recycling the same half-dozen clichés over and over again. ), all the Profile Writer needs to do is search for the word “dog” in their manual and choose from a list of dog-related one-liners, like this one: The process for Closers is a bit more complicated.One male Closer told me that it felt rewarding to “help men too old to understand the internet,” and that “some people are too busy for all that.” Another writer told me that “finding love is a mysterious process, so we use data.”The service’s data-driven approach to professional flirting became clear to me during my training.“We’ve discovered that a surprisingly large portion of the online dating process can be systematized into what is essentially clerical work,” read one line in my training manual.

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As if all that weren't fantastic enough, he is a huge sweetheart: in addition to being attentive and sweet when we're hanging out, he also goes out of his way to help me in any way he can. Maybe he's the hot idiot guy who works in the marketing department, who always seems to want to get into some inane conversation with you over the water cooler.

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